It is very difficult for us to love ourselves. Extending love and compassion to others is not easy. But feeling love and compassion for ourselves is even more challenging. And the reason why it is difficult for us to have self-love is because of the messages that we sometimes receive in our families, because of the experiences we go through in our lives, and because of what we believe about ourselves based on these messages and experiences. It is difficult for us to have self-love if in our childhood we have heard from our parents that we are not enough, if we have experienced abuse and your partner has made you feel less, and if as a consequence you have developed the thought of yourself that you are not enough to be loved. It is important to develop that self-love to live a full and happy life.

Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good. Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself. Having self-love means having great respect for our well-being and our happiness. It means taking care of our own needs and not settling for less than what we deserve. It means having compassion for ourselves and being kind to ourselves. Many times we are taught that taking care of our needs means that we are selfish and that we have to please others first. When the reality is that we must attend to our needs first, so that we can then attend to the needs of others. Loving yourself means accepting yourself right now for all that you are, just as you are. Finding that self-love is a journey of self-discovery, it requires us to be intentional and vulnerable.

Demonstrating that self-love can be different for each person, because we all have different ways of taking care of ourselves and attending to our needs. Discovering what self-love looks like for each of us is an important part of our mental health. Therapy helps us provide a space where we feel accepted, loved and where we can work to heal the wounds that have caused us to lose that love for ourselves.

Self-love can mean:

  • Talk to you and about you with love
  • Recognize and accept your emotions
  • listen to yourself
  • Prioritize yourself
  • Give yourself a break from judging yourself
  • Trust yourself
  • Be honest with yourself
  • Be kind to yourself
  • Set healthy boundaries
  • Practice self-care
  • Forgive yourself when you are not being honest or kind to yourself

It is extremely important to have self-love to live well. It influences who we choose as our partner, the image we project to others, and how we handle and confront problems in life. We cannot create intimate or social relationships that give us satisfaction if we do not learn to love ourselves. When we truly learn to accept ourselves as we are, we are more capable of empathy, compassion, and kindness toward ourselves, as well as toward others. The most important relationship we must have is the relationship with ourselves. What we think about ourselves is what we will reflect to others. Let's take the time to attend to our needs, accept ourselves and foster self-love to live a full, happy and satisfying life.