Our culture and society confuses strength with armor. The shell is what many of us have as a first impression (and second and third...), it is what people see when they look at us. The shell is this barrier that we present of what we want the other to see.. This barrier of: not crying, not talking about those ugly emotions, not talking about things that may make others uncomfortable, not touching on sensitive topics, not hesitating, not confronting... the armor is that they see you as unbreakable. I remember a lot of people's comments when people close to them die: “She is super strong, she didn't shed a single tear,” “Look how strong she is, she didn't even take time off from work when her mother died,” as if there was a reward from life for enduring longer. And although there is no prize, it seems that we are competing for that trophy of “I don't cry, it doesn't hurt and I don't need anyone.”

The strength I speak of is precisely the opposite of bringing armor. The strength of vulnerability. The strength of being able to break down and be okay with it. The strength of talking about the emotions that scare us, about the topics that “we should keep quiet.” The strength of talking to people with whom we have pending conversations about untouchable topics with emotions that are “too much.”

Strong is the one who says “I can't take it anymore and I need help.”. Strong are my patients who tell me “this is overwhelming me and I want to process it.” Strong is he who cries without apologizing. Strong is the one who says NO knowing that it is going to complicate things for you and you expected a yes.

Being strong is a skill that can be acquired.

First, you need to know yourself very well. …a process of deep introspection to discover who you are – this is essential.

Learn to identify the emotions you feel and let them live in you for as long as necessary.. By the way, emotions last minutes — and there is no one who has cried non-stop for 24 hours; So, don't be afraid of emotions or the body's reactions to these emotions.

Name the emotions and share them with whom you have a close and trusting relationship. Talking about how we feel — contrary to what we would think — makes us feel better, even when these emotions are negative.

The importance of it being with someone we love and who loves us is extremely important because a basic human need of ours is to BE SEEN. We need to be seen and validated.

Get closer to your pain – know it… you need to know it to be able to handle it. You have to talk about what hurts you the most. If you keep running to the opposite side of the pain, one day it will catch up with you and catch you off guard and destroy you. (believe me, being devastated, knocked down and thrown like when you are in the eye of a hurricane is not pleasant at all) Better, know your monster – know it so well that you know where it came from, how it came, what it stays for, what its purpose is – and one day invite it out of your life – sometimes it resists but the more you work with it and not against it – the faster it will go away…

Set limits. My favorite author: Brene Brown, who is a researcher and social worker, found in her research this meaning of limits – which I love: limits are the space where I love myself and I love you and you love me and you love yourself. Setting limits is doing things that benefit me and stopping doing things that don't benefit me – even if this means making you uncomfortable. I will make you uncomfortable perhaps because I am not going to do what you want/expect of me, but I will not carry the resentment of having it done at my expense and thus I will be able to continue loving you and loving myself.

And everything is more beautiful in words — doing it is more complicated; But I promise you that when you practice setting limits more you will find that you are calmer with yourself and with each other.

This tranquility often does not come instantly — it is with practice, with the accumulation of this constant practice.

And as you can see, this canyon is strong – I hope we meet more strong people and have real testimonies and guides on how to do it.

I wish you a lot of strength – this strength is what will really take you forward and allow you to live a fuller life.

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Ana Marcela Rodríguez

She is a family therapist and founding couple of Therapy Works Counseling- the first 100% Hispanic office for Hispanics in North Texas. She along with her team provide psychological therapy to the Latino and bilingual community in Texas.

Ana is also part of the non-profit organization Contigo Wellness, which helps provide therapy and information to the Hispanic community that needs it most.

Another of Ana Marcela's roles is that of wife, mother of two and a dog.