The word “loss” as defined by Webster's dictionary is: “a person or thing or amount that is lost”; “Inability to earn, obtain or use.” The word loss then becomes a complex term and could start a conversation about the many things we have “lost” in our lives, including our “self” when we experience the loss of someone dear to our heart.
When I was asked to write this article for our Blog, I thought about how the title itself would lead us to believe that “The Loss of a Loved One” would be solely about Death and Dying. I thought about the experiences shared with me by my clients, friends and family. Many of us have experienced the loss of a loved one through that process of death, but many of us have also experienced the loss of someone through that process of broken relationships. However, the deep emotion we feel within each of us is the same for both of us.
It is a sense and/or thought that we will not physically share in space and time with our loved one as we were accustomed to during the time we were together with that individual. That period in time, when we feel that sense of loss, is as many have come to know, a very emotionally painful time in our lives. It is a time of darkness and a time when we are unable to see and/or realize the present moment as our true reality.
Many have described it to me as a feeling of “numbness” and “emptiness.” It is an important time to seek help from someone to talk to about the loss. Without us knowing it, we begin to experience the stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. The stages are known as a normal reaction to grief, but each stage should be taken as seriously as the next. These stages are a defense mechanism to protect us from overwhelming emotions/feelings. Many times these stages are internalized, but many times we can eliminate these stages (such as anger) in people around us in our daily lives (for example, family, co-workers, loved ones).
As time progresses, we begin to “gain” a new perception of who our “self” is without the individual that was lost. Many realize that our loved ones, whether in physical or non-physical form, are still very involved with us, are a very important part within us and realize their influence on us. As time progresses, we realize that the loved one we have lost has a “continuity” about them.
We should consider being joyful and rejoicing for our loved one because they too have progressed and grown in their own way without us. As therapists, we help our clients and loved ones find their “inner self.” At the end of the day, we all have the unconditional power to love, to change, and, above all, to accept that which opposes our current inner being. The loss of a loved one turns out to be an acquisition of knowledge and understanding of our true inner “self” in our present space, time and reality.
ABOUT:
Olga is a specialist in issues of Depression, Anxiety, Anger Management and Emotional Disturbance, she is a firm believer that there are even more positive paths in life.
