“When people die it is essential to reach

to feel that something of us left with them,

we will not see them again, but always

They will be present in our life story.”

-Aketzalli

I once heard it said that the loss of a mother is an important event that marks us as children (both women and men), although really any loss we have is important, some become more significant than others, I would like to say that sometimes mothers come in different forms, there are different types of "mothers" sometimes we have grandmothers, aunts, a woman who does not share blood or kinship with us, but who also form an important part of our identity or even a sister, there can be many. female (or sometimes male) figures that become a form of “mothers”, but… What happens when mom leaves? When she dies and we know that we will never be able to see her again, without a doubt this moment goes through a thousand things in our minds, sadness is something that is almost impossible not to experience (although it always works differently in everyone).

Much is said about mourning, authors such as Freud mention that mourning is the reaction to the loss of a loved person and with its corresponding loss of interest in the outside world, there is an inhibition and lack of interest, based on the loss of the object; and although it brings with it serious deviations from normal behavior in life, over time it recovers, that is, it is a normal and adaptive process in the life of any person faced with the loss of a loved one.

There are multiple theories that talk about the stages of grief and how a person should handle it, however I am a firm believer that everyone handles their grief as it is easiest for them to accept it, it is not about stages, it is about you being able to work out what you are feeling.

Without a doubt, the first years without our mother are difficult, the void they leave in us constantly weighs, important dates are usually painful such as: Mother's Day, Christmas, New Year's, birthdays, but how do we overcome it? What can we do with that? Can we emerge stronger from grief?

To begin with, I would like to tell you that the idea of ​​"overcoming it" perhaps we could rethink it, and if instead of overcoming it, we generate strategies that allow us to continue having it in our lives, clearly it will not be physically, but we can keep it in mind in the stories we tell and in the anecdotes that are important to us, it is not just about "overcoming it" it is about learning to live with the loss and always remembering it in the way that makes you feel best (it is also worth remembering the bad moments).

What can we do with what we feel? It is important to learn that in whatever case living our emotions will allow us to elaborate what we are feeling at that moment regarding what happened and also understand it, if you want to cry do it, if you want to scream do it, if you feel good not crying is also okay, but we must be aware of it, we must learn to manage what we feel in the best possible way, you can feel frustrated, overwhelmed, sad and it is okay to feel it, what is not okay is to take it out on ourselves or even on others. someone else's, I am referring to these self-destructive behaviors such as not eating, attempts on our lives, etc. and externally, treating the people around us badly, yelling at them or expressing ourselves in the wrong way towards them.

Finally, I would like to tell you that we can always emerge stronger from any adversity, because no matter how painful it may seem, we develop various tools that will help us in our daily lives in the future, such is the case of resilience (the ability of a person to face their own problems, overcome obstacles and not give in to pressure, regardless of the situation.) and surely some more that you will discover along the way.

Grief can become a problem when it no longer allows us to continue with our daily lives and life becomes complex, remember that you can ask for help and that is okay too! Going to a psychologist is not synonymous with madness, it is synonymous with emotional well-being.

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About:

“Aketzalli is a psychologist in Mexico City, she is currently studying a master's degree in family therapy.

He is a specialist in mastering emotional disorders, and finding the right formula to free yourself from them or give them different directions.”