"Mom! Dad! Look at this toy, I love it so much. I want it, can you buy it?"
If a situation like this makes your stomach turn, you're probably familiar with what happens next.
All children throw tantrums. All parents respond to tantrums. Some parental reactions are more helpful than others. Some responses tend to reinforce behaviors. The best reactions help the child understand and learn to manage their emotions.
Remember that you can't judge a parent by a child's tantrum. Every child is different and some family situations are more difficult than others.
So why do they do it? Look at these 3 reasons:
First, tantrums are a way of communicating. Whether you like it or not. Children were babies not so long ago. How do babies communicate? Through pure emotional response.
They cry, they smile, they scream, they laugh. Through these reactions, a parent learns how the child feels, what he needs, what he likes and what he doesn't like.
As children grow older, they learn to use words and improve their communication skills. But when stressed, the child may regress. They lose their ability to use their language skills and fall back into pure emotional expression.
Second, tantrums can be a way to gain control or get what they want. Many times, people assume that this is the ONLY reason for tantrums. Gaining control is a powerful reason for tantrums and when it works, wow, what a powerful tool!
At this point, parents have a decision to make. Sometimes it is necessary to have compassion for the child and other times it is time to hold the line.
Third, children throw tantrums to release emotional energy. Emotions are physical reactions in the body as well. The stronger the feeling, the stronger the need for physical release. Some children have more intense reactions or because they have less control over the magnitude and direction of the physical response.
Now that we understand our children more, let's accompany their feelings, teaching them to identify them and express them in a healthier way.
You can help your child in the following ways:
🚀 Emotional hug: Let's provide comfort and support during tantrums, showing empathy and reminding them that we are there for them every step of the way.
🧭 Set clear limits: Let's set limits with love, explaining the consequences of their actions, so they feel safe in a predictable environment.
“I see how sad you are that we can't stay longer, but we're leaving now.”
“You can be as angry as you need, but the answer is still No,”
🔎 Reflect and learn: After the tantrum, let's calmly discuss what happened, helping them recognize their emotions and looking for solutions together.
🚂 Our emotional guide: Let's teach our children to regulate their emotions, showing them our unconditional love and giving them tools to face challenges.
Let's remember that tantrums are an opportunity for the emotional growth of our little ones. With care and patience, we will guide their exciting journeys toward a greater understanding of themselves and their world. 🌈💗
-S. Michelle Quintero, LCSW
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