Beyond the new definitions and roles assigned to parenthood in current times, the fact is clear that there are well-defined functions pertaining to paternity, which help structure the personality of the children within the family and define the relationship that the father will have with them and with the couple.
The functions of the father within the family begin before the birth of the child, by forming it from the desire to have a child with the mother. It is from this desire that the person they will give life to begins to be created in the imagination of the parents, and it begins from the planning of the baby's name, wondering what sex it will have, who it will resemble, etc. Then the function is placed in the biological, by providing the sperm that will be the means by which it will transfer its genetic inheritance to the child.
There is another function that will be directed not only to the child, but its main beneficiary is the couple, and will be both emotional support and care provider directed toward them and toward the child when he or she is born. After giving birth, the mother needs to continue receiving care and emotional support, as well as help with housework and care for the baby. Without this support from the partner or someone very close, the mother runs the risk of feeling that the situation is overwhelming her and could fall into postpartum depression.
Later, as time passes, the father will fulfill the function of separation between the son and the mother, promoting his independence as he grows. To explain how this separation occurs, Freud formulated a theory, which he broadly mentions, that the son, for a period of several months, becomes the center of attention and all the love on the part of the parents. After a while, the bond will continue to be very strong between the son and the mother, and the father will intervene while being present, he will make the son renounce this desire for unconditional love that at some point his mother gave him and deep down, he will understand that he cannot stay with her, therefore he will have to Look outside the family for a woman for him when he grows up. Lacan formulates this separation, in terms of a break between the relationship between mother and child, it is the father who will draw the mother's interest, and who as a symbol represents the law that must be fulfilled. Sometimes, even when there is no father, there will be other elements that can fulfill this paternal function and act as a separator and creator of limits between the mother and the child, such as other paternal figures or activities in which the mother is interested and that let the son know that he is not the only one in her life.
Compared to the Hispanic man, who is more independent and when the time comes, leaves the home of his original family to live his life either alone or as a couple, the Hispanic man remains more attached to his family of origin. One could think in the aforementioned terms about the impossibility of fulfilling the function of cutting by Hispanic fathers in general, since these are men who are physically and emotionally absent from the family, which means that I do not know about the aforementioned symbolic cutting and the son cannot separate from the family, being more independent and going out to seek to make his life away from it. For the son to accept separating from the mother and accept that it will not be for him but for the father, he needs to create a bond of love with him as well, which helps to identify and resemble him in many aspects; It is very common for the child to openly say that he wants to be like his father. But for this to happen, the father must be present to be able to serve as a father figure with whom the son can identify and acquire certain characteristics of his personality.
Otherwise it will be when adolescence arrives, where they will want the opposite and will look outside the family nucleus for figures with whom they can identify, whether they are friends, stars they admire, etc. It will be in this stage, which is fundamental for the physical and emotional development of the boy, where he will form his personality in an almost definitive way; Here the role of the father is fundamental, because despite the conflict that arises between parents and adolescents, the father's function will be to contain, that is, to be able to set limits for the child and oppose him on the one hand, but on the other hand, to be physically and emotionally present when the child needs the parents.
The Hispanic father, despite sometimes being physically present in the family, is often not emotionally prepared to contain his son, to set limits, to confront him in an intergenerational struggle that occurs in all cultures once the son's adolescence has arrived, which is very relevant, since being able to confront the father in a non-violent way, but in terms of defending his own way of thinking, makes the boy stronger and more secure. Since the father is not present, the son is left adrift and that is where he runs the risk of looking for people with whom he can identify who will lead him down an unfavorable path, potentially getting into drugs, crime, fights or any risky behavior that commonly occurs in adolescents.
Until now we have only talked about the importance of paternity for the baron son, however paternity is also fundamental for the daughters; In this case, mothers commonly serve as a model in which they identify and the father will be the model of the love object, that is, in most cases they will fall in love when they grow up with a person not only of the same sex as the father, but with a very similar personality characteristic and depending on how the bond with him has been, the daughters will look for a personality model similar to that of the father to relate to as a couple.
By having these models of fatherhood, the Hispanic man continues to repeat it generation after generation, because by not having been present or emotionally prepared for an emotionally healthy coexistence and not having been able to provide what the children needed, the children repeat the same types of fatherhood, thus causing that although they physically separate from the mother, they do not do so emotionally and deep down they are still very attached to her, making couple relationships difficult.
It seems that better emotional and behavioral stability occurs in families that are involved in raising children to provide them with the necessary care and affection, but on the other hand, this affection does not exempt them from being able to introduce rules in these families. Studies in Latin American countries demonstrate not only a more emotionally stable upbringing in children with families where the father is more involved in the family and with the care and closeness to the children, but also happier parents in general and distanced from social problems such as crime.
Flavio Solís is a psychoanalytic psychologist in Mexico City.
He has a bachelor's degree in psychology, a diploma in psychotherapy for adults and a master's degree in psychotherapy for adolescents from the Faculty of Higher Studies Zaragoza of the UNAM. He currently has a private clinical practice with adolescents and adults.
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